So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
