idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
