oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He felt like a one man threesome
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
