This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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