There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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