Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
