I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
