The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
