Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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