Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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