before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
