can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
