well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize