You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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