I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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