I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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