You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
