we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize