oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You were trust falling into bushes
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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