A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
