Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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