Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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