why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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