you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
