I love black thongs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize