he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
