It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
