Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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