Sponge bath it is.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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