And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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