How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
