Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
