Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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