Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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