Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
