I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
