i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
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