sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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