She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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