I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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