I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize