eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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