I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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