Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize