Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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