i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
