I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's shark week go big or go home
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
