I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize