It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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