she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
