I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
