puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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