went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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