you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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