Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
