Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
