did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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