If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
