I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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