Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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