STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
