i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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