Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
