You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
