Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
