i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize