actually, I'm a sock model
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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