I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
