A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
