your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
