Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
