for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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