Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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