I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
