He uses pillows to masturbate.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
