Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
