Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
