Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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