Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
