This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
