Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
