Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
