could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
birth control should be required to get into college
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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