Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
