In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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