he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize