just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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