I think my fart just growled at me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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