I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
