Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
