ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
