at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
