Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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