the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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