we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
